The Dance of Life .

Monday August 9, 2010

The past couple of years have been ones where tough lessons got learned.

My Mom passed away and at the same time my life long best girl friend was diagnosed with "terminal" cancer. In some ways that woke me up and in some ways it shut me down.

In the month following these events many people in my life passed away. I call it making their transition. I don't believe in death. I believe the physical body simply no longer houses the spirit but that spirit never dies.

I am not sure what happens next and accept this as a mystery.

A long time client of mine (I'm a massage therapist) also made her transition. She was a great lady, 96 years old, I had worked with her twice a week for 7 years. A deep bond between the two of us had been created.

I felt the personal loss, although it was not a surprise, she told me once she would live to be 96 years old and then she would be done. Her Mother died at 96 and that was how long she wanted to live.

Her name was Renee. She was beautiful, dancing eyes and rich flaxen blond hair. She looked good for any age. The blush never left her rose.

She lived in Beverly Hills for most of her life and had her own business as "The Florist" to the stars. She told me once," I did the flowers for two of Elizabeth Taylor's weddings." She was proud of this fact and said it with a laugh in her voice.

Renee did not talk much, she was very hard of hearing. Her daughter once bought her a set of state of the art $5000.00 hearing aides. She could not stand them! She told me they made everything to loud. She " lost" them soon after this conversation.

Renee moved to a beautiful retirement hotel from the grand Bel Air home she had lived in for over 30 years.

This was not your average retirement home. It was stunning. Many old movie stars also lived there. It looks like a grand old hotel. She had her own apartment that was carefully decorated with all her favorite things by her only daughter Jackie.The dining area looked like a wonderful bistro. The lobby was decorated gloriously for every holiday. It is an elegant place.

Although her daughter and son in law visited every Sunday for dinner and became the toast of the retirement community, serving fine wine at dinner and befriending everyone, Renee just wanted to go home.

They told her she had to stay in this hotel that work was being done on her home but she knew better. She told me " All the people here are old...pffft." I had to look away but she knew I was laughing. She rolled her eyes at me. She never thought of herself in terms of being old.

Lesson number one....your words may lie but your energy field always tells the truth. Renee could not hear very well so her ability to read energy had become keen. I don't think she knew she was doing this, hearing with her heart the truth, but she was always spot on and could not be lied to convincingly. I chose to always tell her the truth. We both knew she was not ever going back to her house and it was never mentioned again.

Renee's daughter had survived cancer. The last winter of Renee's life her daughter's cancer returned. Her son in law felt he had to tell her and the news has a huge affect on her.

When I arrived for my regular Monday appointment with Renee, the caregivers told me she would not get out of bed.

When I went into Renee's room and there she was in bed just staring up at the ceiling. She needed a shower and I was the only one who could get her in one. I attribute that to my being just a tiny bit more stubborn than she .

I begged, coaxed, tried everything, nothing worked. I gave up. I think I was worn down by the passing of my Mother. I was so tired of making people do things they didn't want to do for their own good.

One last try, " Please, you will feel better after."

She yelled at me to get out , that I was nothing to her, don't come back, she didn't need me and never did. she said " You're fired."

This hit me hard, my professional demeanor lifted and I got mad. I told her that was no way to treat someone who had cared for her for seven years like she was her very own Mother, that she had no right at this point to treat me like the hired help, we had past that concept a long time ago. I started to sob, I told her, " My mother died this week, I wish I had been home taking care of my own Mother but instead I was here with you, how dare you throw me away like an old pair of shoes."

"Your Mother died?'

"uh huh" Tears like rivers on my cheeks.

The room got quiet. I collected myself and looked down at her in the bed. If she wouldn't get up I was going in.

So I crawled into bed with her.

Renee was not a very expressive woman. She always had a cool business like demeanor, she put her hand on my arm and we both cried a little.

I told her I was sorry for losing my cool. She just patted my arm. We didn't really need words , we knew. I told her I hoped her stay on this planet had been a good one. I told her I loved her and was grateful for the time we had together. I told her it was such a shame she was leaving before she ever got a wrinkle,(her face was flawless at 96, no wrinkles ) We both laughed.

Six days later Renee passed away in her sleep. She told me she would live to be 96 and then she was done . She was a woman of her word.

At her funeral her daughter introduced me as Renee's best friend for the past 7 years. I was really taken back. Then she talked about the fact that Renee had stopped talking years ago. She never spoke to anyone. She might grunt a bit but never a conversation. She said they thought at first that I was stretching the truth a bit when I told them things we had talked about but then I had details I could have never known had it not been true.

Renee didn't talk? Who knew! She always talked to me.

We are told that we may never know the impact of our actions... I was lucky this time. I just never imagined that she wouldn't talk to me. In our first conversation I told her I would never talk baby talk ( people do that all the time with seniors) and I would always tell her the truth. She said " Thank goodness." A wonderful friendship happened for the next 7 years.

In every loss is a gift. Oh, I know that sounds so....well you know like something your Mom would tell you. It is true for me.

The gift in my relationship with Renee was to learn the value of being myself and telling the truth. The truth may make a silent voice come to life. I grew in many ways during my seven years with Renee. Our relationship is part of what makes me who I am today.

" To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world." author unknown.

Sweet Renee, Thank You, you were the world to me. Someone else will have to do Liz's flowers next time. LOL